Miraculous Fishing at Moses Lake

[In many ways, searching for Bible codes is similar to fishing. In the following piece, we take unbridled advantage of these similarities in spinning a fish story laced with analogies, perhaps engaging in a bit of exaggeration now and then. Each inch of fish length is like an additional letter in a code. So a six-inch-long fish may be likened to a six-letter-long ELS, in that both should be thrown back in the lake.]

For millennia, Moses Lake has been revered as a sacred place where the sheer essence of God resides in unfathomable abundance. Various evidences of this abound. There are many tales of people standing at its shore, seeing reflections of The Almighty shimmering over its inestimably glorious surface. There is no other lake like it in the world, or so the Judeans say.

About a dozen years ago, a few high-tech Judean fishermen1 claimed that the fishing at Moses Lake was unsurpassable. One would throw a line in with three or four hooks, and it would be pounded by fish. Once pulled in, usually every hook would have a trophy size fish, and they would all be the same type of fish. If one were a trout, the others would be trout. If one were a bass, all would be bass. Now and then, their line would pull up a batch of minnows, but they would wisely toss them back in the lake and continue fishing.

The Judeans were not articulate in commoners' lingo, so the miraculous fishing at Moses Lake was not known widely. One day, a tale spinner2 went fishing in a boat near the fabled Judeans. All he hauled in were measly minnows, but he was so taken by the experience he wrote a book about it, The Awesome Alien Minnows of Moses Lake. He claimed he could throw his catch of minnows up in the air and, based on the Rohrshach patterns formed by the fallen fish, he could out-predict any psychic. A well-known publisher pushed the book big time, and it hit The New York Times Best Seller List. The tale spinner had snagged throngs into buying his book, but then they started reading it.

When an Aussie techie3 read the book, he scoffed uncontrollably. After recovering, he ventured out to Leo Lake and threw out a line of four hooks. Sure enough, he soon hauled in a few minnows. So he had his picture taken with his catch and posted it on the world-wide net. "Fishing is just as good at Leo Lake as it is at Moses Lake," he exclaimed, "so don't believe these inflated boasts about Moses Lake that this slick minnow minion touts." Soon other Judean techies from countries far and wide, including a Golden State Judean techie4 signed a protest and tacked it to the net. The tale spinner had made boasts so lame that his critics sent the reputation of fishing at Moses Lake into a tail spin.

After a bit a Galilean techie interested in Judean culture5 also read The Awesome Alien Minnows of Moses Lake and scoffed. "That tale spinner's boasts are worth nothing," he exclaimed, "That renowned Judean techie's boast, now that is worth checking out." So the Galilean hired a Hebrew speaking fisherman.6 Each day, the Galilean would take the Hebrew speaker, blindfolded, out to fish in Moses Lake. After awhile, the Galilean started taking him out, blindfolded, alternately to Leo Lake as well as Moses Lake. Day after day, the Hebrew speaker hauled up minnows from Leo Lake and large fish, all four of the same kind, with many reelings in, from Moses Lake. His catches included a few sturgeon, four, five and six feet long, and a very large number of trout that were 18 inches long or longer.

The Galilean was having trouble believing how big the Hebrew fisherman's catches were, so he hired a Maple Leaf Judean7 to cast out his line, both in Moses Lake and in Leo Lake, blindfolded like the Hebrew speaker. Again, hauls of derby winning fish from Moses Lake, but only measly minnows from Leo Lake. So the Galilean became a believer in the miraculous fishing at Moses Lake, as did those he hired. And the Galilean posted his own gallery of pictures on the world-wide net.

The Aussie techie groused about the postings. "Most of those big fish have tumors and ugly gashes in them, and they have an awful smell. I don't think anyone should boast about them," he chided. "If this were God's doing, the fish would be flawless."

The Galilean retorted, "People have dumped toxic waste8 in Moses Lake, so the fish are not well. I wouldn't blame God for that."

"That still doesn't explain the bad smell," the Aussie replied. "God wouldn't use slimy, stinky fish."

"Didn't God use heaps of slimy, stinking frogs, vast hordes of gross lice and plagues of disgusting boils, nasty locusts and the deaths of all the firstborn to get Pharaoh's attention?" the Galilean asked.

One time, the Galilean hired the Maple Leaf Judean to fish in a section of Moses Lake called Mel Gibson Cove, and he pulled up a line with five sturgeon. One was 12 feet long. Two others were eight feet long, and the final two were four feet long all on one line.9 The sturgeon looked so ugly and wretched people could hardly stand to look at them. Yet they were so massive the boat nearly sank.

Another time, the Galilean posted on the net some rules for rating fish.10 If they were less than seven inches long, they had to be thrown back. If they were at least seven inches long, the fish would rate one point for each inch of length beyond six inches. So a seven-inch fish got one point, an eight-inch fish, two points, and a nine-inch fish, three points, and so forth.

Meanwhile, a doubting Thomas,11 a desert-dweller fond of fishing in mirages, had been chatting with the Aussie techie. "Let's put an end to all these fish stories," he exclaimed. "I'll have Melville Lake12 completely drained, collect all the fish that are seven or more inches long, and have my picture taken with my massive catch. I'll use the Galilean's scheme for rating fish, and come up with such a huge total score,13 no Judean or Galilean will ever boast about Moses Lake again. What's more, I'll have my picture taken with this huge mass of fish. Surely then those myths about fishing in Moses Lake will go into a fatal tail spin." So Mr. D. Thomas drained Melville Lake, and a large pile of fish was garnered. He had his picture taken next to his pile of rotting minnows, and posted it on the world-wide net.14

The Galilean noticed that none of the minnows were more than nine inches long, in spite of his having completely drained all of Melville Lake. "You'd never win a fishing derby with seven- or eight- or nine-inchers, Mr. Doubting Thomas. Show me some two- or three-foot-long catches. Otherwise, all you've done is wreak an environmental disaster and harvested piles of little, rotting fish."

To this day, the Galilean hasn't heard back from the desert-dweller. And so, the legend of the miraculous fishing at Moses Lake has taken on new life. As always, those who simply stand on the shores of Moses Lake are filled with peace and awe, while those who dare to yank fish out end up with slimy, smelly fish, just like those from any lake . . . except they're much bigger.

1Eliyahu Rips and Doron Witztum
2Michael Drosnin
3Brendan McKay
4Barry Simon
5Ed Sherman
6Nathan Jacobi
7Moshe Aharon Shak
8Copying errors by scribes many centuries ago.
9146-Letter-Long Mel Gibson ELS Discovered
11Dave Thomas, who lives in New Mexico
12Herman Melvilles' Moby Dick
13Dave Thomas
14Details for the "George Harrison Cluster in War and Peace"

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